day 1
Monday, February 8, 2010 by Jen Ko
It's day one since I broke it off with C. I know I don't want things to be over but I really saw myself and I don't like the person I became because I couldn't deal with my insecurities. I guess it's a growing process and I'm scared that I'll miss him and again act on it and ruin the time I need.
I guess I've been thinking about it tremendously and I finally acted out on it.
I finally had enough of it and I think I just needed to push myself over the edge, I'm not sure why I'm like that though, why I constantly feel the need to really fuck things up to get over it.
and for some reason when I brought this up yesterday, I didn't regret it at all and I still don't regret it.
I guess that's a really good thing for me, maybe because for the first time in awhile I'm making the best out of it.
The grass looks greener on the other side.
and while I sat there in semi-akwardness I went over to hug him in the back, through that hug I wanted to say that I truly love him and that I hope he rememembers to eat and to take care of himself and also to take care of kitty. I didn't say it though, I hope all I expressed went through that hug. He did say something to me that made tears just drop out of eyes. "it's not over yet, this will be good. We both can take some time for ourselves." I guess it's a break, until I'm ready and if/when I'm ready and he isn't there it
Hopefully, we can still have a chance to be 100% happy together someday.
This is the time for me to become more secure about myself
no more boys, no more hooking up,
:) I believe in myself.
I guess I've been thinking about it tremendously and I finally acted out on it.
I finally had enough of it and I think I just needed to push myself over the edge, I'm not sure why I'm like that though, why I constantly feel the need to really fuck things up to get over it.
and for some reason when I brought this up yesterday, I didn't regret it at all and I still don't regret it.
I guess that's a really good thing for me, maybe because for the first time in awhile I'm making the best out of it.
The grass looks greener on the other side.
and while I sat there in semi-akwardness I went over to hug him in the back, through that hug I wanted to say that I truly love him and that I hope he rememembers to eat and to take care of himself and also to take care of kitty. I didn't say it though, I hope all I expressed went through that hug. He did say something to me that made tears just drop out of eyes. "it's not over yet, this will be good. We both can take some time for ourselves." I guess it's a break, until I'm ready and if/when I'm ready and he isn't there it
Hopefully, we can still have a chance to be 100% happy together someday.
This is the time for me to become more secure about myself
no more boys, no more hooking up,
:) I believe in myself.