reflecting
Tuesday, October 19, 2010 by Jen Ko
I've been reflecting...
so this is to you
Saved - Spill canvas
Dear ____,
after reading this, i'm sure you'll know who you are. first thing i want to say is that i miss you a lot. i've never met someone like you before. we haven't spoken much since you've gone away to school but i hope you're doing well. i contemplated on writing you an email instead, but i thought that it would be too straight forward and awkward because everything that happened between us was about a year ago. you saved me from myself, and from probably wanting to kill myself. i don't think i've ever told you that, and i'm telling you this because i'm finally okay. all our long aim talks at night and videoing when i was at work helped me so much. it's like you knew when and how to be there for me, you didn't let me rely on you but you were there. you liked me for the person i was, and you knew i would be okay. it's hard to explain that feeling, but you were just so confident in me and you never made me feel like i was annoying.
i wanted to let you know that i left the way i did because i felt like you were too good for me. i know i know, i play the victim a lot but i need stability. i wanted to know what would happen in the future, you lived so far away from me and you were also leaving for school. i sometimes felt dumb around you because of your education compared to mine. there was so so much i didn't know until i spoke to you that last day. i didn't think you were serious, and i think i didn't want to think that you were serious and that you were genuine. you said, you had nothing better to do all year because you were waiting and interviewing for schools. i thought that meant you just wanted to find someone to hang out with for the year. who knows, it was only a measly 2-3 months that we had spoken. it meant a lot to me even if it wasn't the same for you. everything you said from day 1 was true about me.
you helped me grow and i had a lot fo fun hanging out. you're just overall a really good guy, and even if we don't end up in each others lives, i still hope the very best for you. hope that one day you can save many lives and i'll be super proud of you.
so this is to you
Saved - Spill canvas
Dear ____,
after reading this, i'm sure you'll know who you are. first thing i want to say is that i miss you a lot. i've never met someone like you before. we haven't spoken much since you've gone away to school but i hope you're doing well. i contemplated on writing you an email instead, but i thought that it would be too straight forward and awkward because everything that happened between us was about a year ago. you saved me from myself, and from probably wanting to kill myself. i don't think i've ever told you that, and i'm telling you this because i'm finally okay. all our long aim talks at night and videoing when i was at work helped me so much. it's like you knew when and how to be there for me, you didn't let me rely on you but you were there. you liked me for the person i was, and you knew i would be okay. it's hard to explain that feeling, but you were just so confident in me and you never made me feel like i was annoying.
i wanted to let you know that i left the way i did because i felt like you were too good for me. i know i know, i play the victim a lot but i need stability. i wanted to know what would happen in the future, you lived so far away from me and you were also leaving for school. i sometimes felt dumb around you because of your education compared to mine. there was so so much i didn't know until i spoke to you that last day. i didn't think you were serious, and i think i didn't want to think that you were serious and that you were genuine. you said, you had nothing better to do all year because you were waiting and interviewing for schools. i thought that meant you just wanted to find someone to hang out with for the year. who knows, it was only a measly 2-3 months that we had spoken. it meant a lot to me even if it wasn't the same for you. everything you said from day 1 was true about me.
you helped me grow and i had a lot fo fun hanging out. you're just overall a really good guy, and even if we don't end up in each others lives, i still hope the very best for you. hope that one day you can save many lives and i'll be super proud of you.