Just me

have you ever felt like sometimes you just keep falling...
right now, i just want to lay here and keep falling and falling.
the viscous cycle never ends does it?

Owl City is keeping me a bit happier.
I think I really need to think positively.

What if today I feel like I'm not in love anymore?
what if the cold shoulder has left me bare and naked.
I don't feel anymore, I know it hurts somewhere in there but I'm numb.
Should love be based on a compromise?

why do I love so much?
I have thought about leaving him, leaving this all.
maybe it's because I want someone to want me and love me.
I want to be cherished and I want to feel like I'm special.
like I'm worth it.

because right now I feel like shit,
I feel like I'm just an extra side item.
not really anything, just on the side.
Should I feel this way?
Is it right to feel this way?
If someone loved me shouldn't they want to do things for me?
I feel like it's not that I don't have patience, it's that I'm not sure if this kind of treatment is right.

J on the other hand loves me unconditionally.
and is it so bad to be loved instead?
instead of loving someone that doesn't really love you back.
I feel like I walk on eggshells sometimes with him, scared, alone and painful.
Should a relationship be that way where everything I feel and do... I feel like it's all a compromise.
Love isn't everything is it?
it doesn't break walls, it makes us weak and incompetent to make the right choices.

I guess all I ever wanted was for him to show he cared, for him to take the extra mile for me.
just once and I would be willing to let everything go.
but, I keep waiting.... and waiting and I don't feel like anything is getting better.
I don't feel happy, and yet I don't think he really cares if I'm happy or not.

tangents.
thoughts.
overkill.