Just me

There has been too many problems towards the end of 2009, and through these problems I have grown and learned a lot more about myself. I haven't yet learned what I want and how to make right choices in life. A lot of people tell me that there aren't right and wrong choices but I hate living with regrets. I hate the person I've become actually and as much as I'm trying very hard to prevent myself to go down this path, I can't control it.

You can't control the person you are, I feel caged when I'm at home, I feel like I'm about to suffocate when I'm doing nails. I don't know how to explain it, my whole body has become so antsy and I never thought that I'd ever feel this way. I think it has gotten better but I feel like I can't do anything. I can't concentrate until I fix the fucking problem... if only I knew what the problem was. I know I should just suck it up and fucking get over it, but I'm weak. I can't, I don't know how.

and day by day I try very hard to get past it and I try to just focus on the things I'm doing at the moment but I never feel like it's enough. I feel like I'm ruining my job or overall, my life because I can't figure what's wrong.

I tried going to the core, I tried very hard and yet I can't.

Betrayal. Insecurities.

I never not cared like this in my whole life. I feel like I'm just on the verge, tip of the iceberg. I made this blog and I'm finally beginning to write in it.

I'm high on tangents. I need to stop, to be honest writing hasn't helped, and it hasn't been helping as much as it used to. Music hasn't helped much either, going out doesn't help. I want to go to a real concert so bad where the lyrics just beat through my body.

I want lyrics.

I want life.

I want me.

love life still although I sound like I'm severely depressed. I think not.

I only hope for the best.

believe in the best.